When I was younger I peed in my pants seven times in a row, seven times straight, and all because of my dad.
My dad isn’t a bad person, let me get that out there first. He’s a wonderful, brilliant, perfect father, the best that I could ever ask God for. But he’s scary.
My fear of my dad stems way back from when I was a baby; he says that he had to go as far as to bribing me with candy to even get me a foot near him. He blames it on his temper, but I’m betting it also had something to do with his long scary mustache.
Even though his anger was hardly ever directed at me (because I’m a princess) it would always scare me. Eventually, to the point where he would just shout and I would take a leak in my pants (don’t feel bad for laughing, I think it’s hilarious.) (also, for the record, I don’t do that anymore — I was like nine when it happened.)
While my dad didnt yell at me often, it still scared me when he did. Now, he hardly even raises his voice at me, or anyone; but I am still frightened of him. I’m not talking about the frightened I get when he decides to hide behind walls and then jump out laughing, ‘boo!’ I’m talking, emotionally frightened. Just looking at him does NOT give me the heebie jeebies, my friends, however, even the slightest tone of disapproval or disappointment has me crying. My mother on the other hand, she could chase me around the house with a spoon and I’ll find myself laughing.
And now to the point: The reason I decided to share that story was because it emphasized how big my scare was today. I’m beyond proud of myself. I can honestly say, I’ve never ever been prouder.
You’ve probably gathered that my scare today had something to do with my dad, and it sure as heck did. Today I corrected my dad, and I stopped him from doing something I think was wrong. I talked “down” to him. This man, with so much pride between his ears, probably could have never imagined a day where his timid, quite, daughter would tell him ‘You’re wrong.’
Basically, my dad has some beef with his manager. His manager doesn’t like him, treats him badly, and just isn’t fair. My dad doesn’t have much working on his side, really, as he didn’t get an education past high school, and he probably wouldn’t be able to find another job if he quit. The job he has now is his everything, we have a house (that we own), a car, food three times a day, and he’s supporting for six people, alone. (I repeat, he didn’t finish high school, dropped out as a freshman.) Basically, he needs this job. His manager, however, looks for every opportunity to get him fired.
Sorry this is so long.
Anyway, the beef. My dad found out something about this manager, something that wasn’t right. It is something small, I’ll admit, but still not right. This something has been going on for about a year?
So my dad decided to fight fire with fire. He wanted me to help him write a letter to the board informing them of what he (the manager) was doing. He justified himself, of course, by saying that he was only being dutiful, but also admitted that he wanted the manager to get in trouble.
He’s only human. Sounds normal, regardless of how grown-up he’s supposed to be.
While writing the letter, though, I thought of how childish it seemed, and how my dad was stooping to the managers’ level. However, (think back to the first story: peeing and scary-day) I was too frightened to tell him that he shouldn’t do it, that it is wrong, and childish, and could backfire. Please tell me I’m not stupid for being terrified.
I did it though. At the end of the letter, he said, “I think it’s fine.”
I responded, “I think you shouldn’t send it.”
I explained how fighting fire with fire would make a bigger fire — but since he doesn’t speak English so well he couldn’t understand the analogy — it was really frustrating trying to make my point, and repeating myself, while also wanting to crawl back into my not-caring shell, but eventually he looked at me with a big smile on his face and kissed me on the forehead.
Something about being proud of me, and that even he was thinking in the back of his head that it was wrong. Happy things, basically.
I’m not going to drag this out anymore. Just know, I’ve never been so happy to have challenged myself in my life. I’m so glad I did this whole dare-to-scare thing. If it matters, I was thinking of the kind motivation from Kenneth Jobe, KG, and Momshieb, over the past few days. I can’t say thanks enough, you’ve made some random girl very happy.
I’m a beever.