humiliation |

Public Speaking, it always gets the best of us.

I’m not going to lie, it’s been a good while since I’ve (somewhat) overcome my public-speaking dilemma, and I mean it when I say it; there was a point in time when public speaking made me want to vomit, I got all dizzy, and did anything to avoid taking that stand upfront an audience.

I don’t remember when my fear of public speaking began, or even exactly when it dissolved, but today I wasn’t as frightened as I was hoping I would be. I’ve just come to learn that public speaking does not necessarily result in vomiting, anxiety attacks, or death, instead, that it results in better communication with your peers. I’ve been public speaking since forever, and I’ve gotten the hang of it.

I’ll admit, though, I did feel a little jittery, but only slightly. The kind of jitters you get when you skip a step while running up the stairs, it’s not long, it doesn’t stay, it’s hardly anything. You get over it, you move on. I stuttered alittle bit, and forgot my words, somewhat, but I picked back up fast enough before anyone could really notice. I ended it curtly, and maybe I was just hearing things, but my whole AP class clapped louder for me then anyone else.

I wasn’t really frightened though. I feel pathetic claiming it to be my scare-of-the-day.

TOTAL DIGRESSION, BUT I NEED TO GET THIS OUT: I keep feeling like I’m cheating myself, everyday. It feels like I’ve been skipping around the border of my comfort zone, but still remaining conveniently close. I don’t feel like … life is happening. Does that make any sense? Probably not.

Will you believe it? It’s only been a week and I’ve already thought of giving up? Today I stopped myself in the middle of thinking, “this is a stupid idea, I should just start doing it next year.” That needs to change, those thoughts need to stop, I thought the same exact thing last year. I’m just such a chicken. I think way too much before I actually do anything.

So many ‘scary’ opportunities keep coming up and I figure out the perfect excuse to get away with not having to do it. I wonder why I cant come up with good excuses when I didn’t do my homework.

Anyway, the point is, I need to start challenging myself. I need to stop talking myself out of everything. I need to stop thinking so so so much about every little detail. I need to just j u m p.